A Birthday You Will Always Remember

My son is going to be 4 this weekend. MY SON IS GOING TO BE 4!!!! I can't even believe that it has been four years already and I just can't believe how big he is getting. This might seem like a silly thing to blog about, but June 1st through the 3rd (really the whole week) are some of the biggest and most memorable times in my adoption story. It's a day my son was born, a beautiful and amazing memory of mine. Yet two days after that incredible miracle, I suffered (by choice of course) a loss. I placed him in the arms of a new family and let him go to start his new life. It's difficult to go from feeling so much happiness and joy, bringing this little person into the world, seeing that child that's been growing inside you for months for the first time, (and anyone out there who has had a child knows what I mean when I say it truly is a miracle) to feeling the next extreme of emotion. Sorrow. It's hard to explain the different levels of emotions a Birthmother goes through in such a short amount of time, but i'm going to try to do that today.

Every year since having and then placing Sawyer I have noticed certain days/times of the year that either have special meaning to me or days that are harder then others. Mother's Day, certain holidays, not being there for his firsts (even though I am very close and am blessed with being around for a lot), his birthday and most of all Placement day. Even though it's just the "anniversary" of placement and it's not really happening all over again....it kinda feels like it is! It is in a way because it's playing in my mind over and over throughout that whole day. All the feelings from my time in the hospital, from labor to placement come flooding back in. All the joy of him coming into the world, and those perfect two days that I called him mine, to the tears dripping down my face as I signed my rights away. I remember everything down to the minute. Who was at the hospital, what they said, what my nurses were wearing, what Sawyer wore home, what was playing on TV when I realized I only had two hours left with Sawyer. Every detail in those few days I remember, and I remember it all over again...every year....on that same day. The most special, the ones I LOVE to remember are the memories of just Sawyer and I. How he smelt, how he looked, how he snuggled perfectly under my armpit, those are the moments I can never EVER forget.
 

So I know it kinda sounds like it's just a week every year of total depression and heartache, but it's not. Does my heart ache? Yes. Do I miss Sawyer more the ever during this time? Yes. Would I ever change it? No. I get to celebrate my little mans day of birth, and his family is so great and always makes time for me to spend with him on his day, and I get to reconnect with the memories of a decision I made that changed my life forever.

It's both a sweet and not so sweet time, but a necessary time of healing. Ever heard of having a good cry and then feeling better about whatever it is your upset about? Or venting to a friend about something really hard and then feeling great that you got it off your chest?? It's the same thing with me and reminiscing his birth and placement day. It helps me heal. I may be very quiet that day, and I may even cry a little....or a lot the whole week leading up to it and during, and that's ok. I will be OK.

If there is one thing that anyone takes from my blog is that it is OK to have feelings, good or bad. I know I have talked about this before, but it's really important. Growing up, I tried really hard to hide when I was upset. I love my family so much, but I wouldn't say we are "emotional" people. I hate crying in front of people, as I'm sure a lot of you feel the same, and I never wanted people to feel sorry for me. Especially people who seem like they care but really don't. So hiding from my feelings was the best route for me. Until I got pregnant. Mostly not by my own choice because after having a baby I became a big blubbery hot mess that cried at cat videos, but I soon realized how much it helped to let myself be sad and just DEAL. Working through the pain was still hard, but I found it harder when I would put it off because I didn't want to think about it. I know now it's ok to think and it's ok to remember mistakes or hard things because you always feel better after the thinking is done.

Sawyers birthday is now only days away and after that is my anniversary of placement, I have already cried in my bathroom several times, I lost it at ToysRUs because they didn't have anymore stupid Frozen toys to get him so I could be the best Birthmom ever, and I have looked at all our pictures from our hospital stay with a smile because they are the most precious of memories I have. I will hug him more then normal and I will tell him I love him every thirty seconds because my bond with him is intensified during this time, and I will be grateful that I have this birthday I will always remember. Thanks for helping me learn how to feel Sawyer. I love you my crazy 4yr old!!! Happy Birthday!!!

Until next time! Thanks for reading!
Meg

.Mothers Day to a Birthmother.

This time of year I find myself always remembering my time in the hospital with Sawyer and my role as his Birthmom. I often get asked why Mothers Day is such a difficult day so I thought this would be a perfect outlet to describe the feelings a Birthmom, at least this one, goes through.

This wonderful day that we have to celebrate our moms and all of the amazing things they have done for us always leaves me anxious and a little confused about how I really feel. I try hard to make it about my own mother and grandmothers because I love them so much and want them to have a special day. It should be all about them right?  Right. Easier said then done. It's REALLY HARD. At church there's always flower handouts and they make all the moms stand up to be recognized, and I always want to stand and then I remember that the people around me won't understand...."your not a mom, where is your child?" Although no one has ever actually said that to me I just feel like that's what they would think.  Maybe I care a little to much??? We always get together as a family and celebrate our moms, and we even celebrate them at work. Am I happy and appreciative of my mom? OF COURSE! I love getting to spend this day with her and do something nice for her. My mom and I have not always had the best relationship but no matter what we have been through I am eternally grateful for her helping me get to where I am today.

I also love to recognize my sons mom on this day. I love her for taking such great care of Sawyer and I want her to always know that I still trust my decision in choosing her as a parent for him.

So why is Mother's Day so hard?! I guess if I really think about it, it's a little bit of jealousy on my part. I wish I could get recognized for the mother that I am. Even if others don't see me as a mom I know that I am one. He may not be mine in the worlds eyes, but in my heart, in a different way, he is.

Amidst all the feelings of jealousy there are the constant reminders on that day of what or I guess who I don't have anymore. Every birthparent wishes they could have parented there child. I love my role as Sawyers Birthmom, and I do stand by my decision to place him with his parents, but of course, there will always be that little feeling of emptiness, wishing I could have been good enough to be his mom. It doesn't show itself as often anymore. I'm in a great place of healing in my life, but Mother's Day is one of those few days that I always feel it.

In a weird way it's a day I use to reflect, maybe not the happiest reflection, but the kind that anyone who has delt with some kind of trial in their life needs. I think it's important to remember hard times every once in awhile to cope and really understand what you've learned. It helps me to think about my hospital stay, and to think about placement, and the intense parts of my adoption because those hard times led to good ones. Knowing that bad times brought me a beautiful new friendship and happiness in the gospel again helps me to heal through the sad things. One thing I will always remember from my case worker (love her) is that it's OK to feel sad or feel low. It's OK to FEEL. It's not something anyone wants to do, especially when they've suffered a loss or been through a tragedy, but it has helped me with my grieving process and it really does work when you open up!

So although I may cry all through Mother's Day or feel a little heartbreak on that bittersweet day I know it's OK. I'm ok and it's normal. I know that with adoption I will always have those painful moments and I choose to deal with them outright to help me move forward. I will always have a longing to be Sawyers mother, but I'm proud of the decision I made for him and when it breaks my heart, I'll come back to that proud feeling.

As Mother's Day approaches I understand it will be an emotional day, and I'm prepared for it. It may not seem that way to others but I am. I hope that if you know a Birth-mom that you remember them this weekend. Along with your amazing moms and grandmothers or any women in your life that have been there for you. They all deserve the gratitude.

Happy Mothers Day to my smart, fun, and independent mom and all my fellow Birth-moms! We can do hard things!

Thanks for reading!

Meg~

Dear Sawyer

This next post of mine was, surprisingly, hard for me to finish. I had to really think about the words I would want to say to my son about why I chose to place him for adoption, and that's scary! What if I say something that makes him sad or even more confused??? What if it sounds stupid or cheesy?? Ugh! I finally just decided to lay it all out. I really hope that one day Sawyer will read this and know its honest and from my heart....and if not I hope he would just come ask me!!! Haha we'll hear it goes...my letter to my baby boy.

Dear Sawyer,

I'm writing this in hopes that one day when you are older you will read it and have a better understanding of why I placed you for adoption. It is nearly impossible for me to write out all of the different thoughts and feelings that went into my decision and I hope that you always know how much you mean to me. When your left wondering or have questions I hope you remember that I placed so YOU could have a better life. I didn't make this choice to get out of something and I never blamed you or though it was your fault, but because I wanted you to have everything you deserved and more, and I knew I couldn't give you that.

When I found out I was pregnant I remember being scared and unsure of what others would think of me, but I also remember picturing my life with you, as your mom. At first I thought of how wonderful it would be to hold you and care for you and then I began to think of how I would do it all.   I didn't have a car...I had just moved back in with my parents, I had just started a new job and to be honest my personal life was extremely unstable. Is that a good enough life for a child? For my child?  How would I take care of you financially but most of all how would I take care of you emotionally when I barely knew how to take care of myself. I also didn't know how I would raise you without a father figure. I know there are plenty of women and men out there that are single parents and I commend them, but with everything already so crazy in my life I knew it was important for my child to have a mother and a father. That was something I couldn't give you. Your birth father handled things in a different way then I did, and that's ok. You won't always understand why people do things the way that they do and it may hurt at times but it's OK. It's the way that you let those moments affect you that make all the difference.

Knowing in my heart that it would only be you and I, left me feeling a little uneasy. I knew it was the wrong choice for you, the selfish choice. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I can be selfish in a lot of other things, but this was different. If love was all that a child needed I knew I could be a great mom for you. I already loved you so much. Which is why I knew what I had to do. I hand to find you a family that could offer you the world. Placing you was going to be so hard, and I wish more than anything I could have kept you, forever as my own, but I knew this was the right thing to do.

When I met your mom and dad I knew right from the beginning that they would be your parents. They were and are exactly what I wanted for you. Loving, nurturing, LDS, adventurous, and really selfless. They' re always thinking of others. Not to mention they were already wonderful parents to your brother Tyler! Best of all they were a team. A mother and a father who I knew, no matter what,would always have each other and be there together for you. Choosing them to be your family was an easy decision to make.

I don't want you to think, however, that just because it was easy for me to find your family that it was easy for me to place you. I know our Heavenly Father placed your mom and dad in my life at the perfect time and for a reason. Yet it was still so incredibly hard for me to let you go. Leaving you in that tiny hospital bed to go home with somebody else, even though I loved those people dearly, was still the most intense pain and heartache that I have ever felt. I missed you the second I left the room. I cherish those 2 1/2 days we had in the hospital together and think of them every day. I will never forget when I saw you for the first time, or when I first heard you cry and how it would bring me to tears every time I heard it.

I will never forget fighting going to sleep or telling the nurses not to take you out of the room because I wanted to spend every last moment I could with you. I remember looking at the clock on our last day and realizing I had less then two hours to hold you and call you mine and I felt like my whole world was coming to an end.

 

 Signing my relinquishment papers left me feeling empty and sad but I kept telling myself I could do it, it was what YOU needed me to do. It was so hard to wake up every morning without you by my side. I missed you so much. Still to this day almost four years out I will still have times where I feel that same pain.
Do I regret my decision? No. I see you with your family and how happy you are and I know I would do it all over again for you to have the wonderful life you do now. Don't ever let anyone tell you that your Birth mom "gave you up". I love you more than words can express and I wanted you to have MORE. I hope you will always understand that. You are blessed with so many amazing things that I couldn't have blessed you with on my own. I'm grateful for the strength I had to make this decision and I hope one day you will be grateful too. I will love you forever and I'd do anything for you and my wish is that one day we can talk about any questions you have! Your my little beans and I will always be here for you.

~Love your Meme~

Having a Successful Open Adoption

It sounds so cheesy doesn't it? But it's the truth, and anyone who has ever had a successful relationship with anyone knows that. I have learned so much from my relationship with the Monson's  and continue too as time goes on. As I have said before my adoption is extremely open. I see my son Sawyer almost every day, I am his preschool teacher, I have been on trips with him and his family, his parents are wonderful and let me take him for the day to hang out, I have even watched Sawyer and his older brother Tyler overnight! I have so much fun with this little family and I'm so grateful for all the time that I get. I know my adoption is unique and I'm sure all of you are thinking that we are crazy right?! Isn't that hard? Aren't you scared she's going to run off with him? How are you ever going to heal? Does that seem very healthy? Does he get confused who his mother is? Isn't it hard to watch them parent? Isn't it hard to leave without him over and over again? Do you miss him? Does she overstep? Does it scare you that one day he will want to live or be with her? I could write a whole entire post on the different fears or questions that we have been asked. I would be lying if I told you that I hadn't really thought of some of them or been worried, but I wouldn't be human if I didn't! Adoption can be tricky, and it's hard to understand unless you are apart of it. I never would have believed that it would be this amazing and wonderful had you told me when I found out I was pregnant. Even when I met the Monson's it just seemed to good to be true. And maybe it should be, but I'm determined to make my relationship with my son and his sweet family a great one. No matter what it takes. So here is the real question...how do we do it?

There are a lot of factors that go in to keeping a healthy, very open, adoption. Selflessness, honesty, communication, knowing your role and REALLY being comfortable with it, understanding, consideration, compassion, did I mention honesty?? But most of all.....LOVE for others.

There have been a few times where our relationship has been hard or things haven't gone as planned, but we've always been able to work through them by being honest to ourselves and to each other. I remember the first time we had our first...."disagreement". If you could really even call it that. It had been a few months since placement and we were talking about what Sawyer would call me when he got older. The Monson's suggested "Aunt Megan" which at the time seemed great to me so I agreed to it. As time went on I felt worse and worse about it. I wasn't his aunt. I didn't want him to think I was. That wasn't my role. It just didn't seem right to me. I felt this way for awhile, nervous and uneasy, you know that knot in your stomach feeling like your going to be sick? Yeah. So I decided to talk to the Monson's, I had to. So I went to their house and told them I wanted to talk. Once I had told them how I was feeling and that I was uncomfortable with what we decided I instantly felt better. They were so understanding and tried to understand where I was coming from and I really felt like they did. We decided to just play it by ear and let Sawyer call me what he would call me. The most important thing for me was our communication. I chose to be honest, as much as it scared me, and the result couldn't have been more perfect. We have tried really hard to be open and upfront with each other and I know it is a huge reason why we work so well. 

Another thing that I have seen work in our relationship is knowing our roles, and knowing and 

respecting the other persons role. I KNOW Michelle and Clinton are Sawyers parents. I respect the way they raise him and the choices they make, even if it's something that I may not have done, because I chose them for my son, and I will always stand by that decision. I am comfortable with my role as a Birthmom, although I am not parenting my son I had the amazing gift of giving birth to him and carrying him for nine months. I feel so lucky to have that much. I feel even luckier to have an adoptive couple that respects my role as much as I respect theirs, and wants this relationship to work not only for OUR sons benefit but because we really do value each other and care. I know that open adoption can be scary, especially one like mine. There are so many fears and unknowns that could make anyone nervous about it, but I promise it brings way more light and joy into my our life then if we had a closed or even a less open relationship. I've talked a lot about how great my relationship is with my sons family, but I want to say a little bit about how it's like with my son, Sawyer. I am forever grateful for the openness allowed by his parents because I get to have this unbelievable bond with Sawyer that I didn't think was possible with the choice of placing him for adoption. He calls me "Meme" and every time I hear him say it my heart almost stops. Every time I come to visit or he sees me at school his adorably inviting eyes light up and he runs to give me a hug.

He knows who I am, he may not yet understand what I did or the choice I made for him but he knows we are family. At the school I teach at he was asking me for a drink of my soda (which I always have, because I'm heavily addicted) and I gave him some, then another little girl came and asked me for some and I told her no. When she asked why Sawyer speaks up and says, "it's cuz meme is MY family". Another time his mom, Michelle and I were talking in the kitchen and I was holding Sawyer, he wraps his arms around both our necks, pulls us in and says, "awe, my family".

It's those tender moments that just make my whole heart and body ache with happiness. We are family and it's because of this little boy that we put our feelings aside. I can't express in words how amazing it feels to be able to love him, and hug him, and talk with him, and have a relationship with him, and just see that he is happy. It's one of the greatest gifts an adoptive family can give to a Birthmom. Sometimes it can be really hard, and I miss him from time to time, but it's all worth it for those special moments I get to share with him and his family. 

 I love my open adoption. It's not always easy and we've had our ups and downs but I wouldn't change it for anything. We work hard to have the relationship that we do and by no means is it perfect. Some of you might still be reading this thinking that we've lost our minds and that something is wrong with us! This situation may not work for everyone, but it works for us and I'm so happy and grateful for all of it. It's taught me a lot about relationships in general and it continues to teach me today. 

Until next time! Thanks for reading! 

Meg

A Family For My Son

Hello again! I am surprised at how much I am enjoying this blogging process. I have already recieved a ton of positive feedback which I wasn't expecting, but it really means a lot!! This blog was mostly for me to be able to talk about my feelings towards my experience, but I'm so happy with the wonderful response! I'm excited to start today's post so let's jump right into it!
My last post ended with a conversation about my next step with my pregnancy. I had told my friend that I chose adoption and what she said next seemed so perfect, yet so far fetched that I tried hard to not get to excited about what the out come could be. She says, "Did you know that Michelle is trying to adopt???"....quick background story, Michelle is one of my coworkers. She is the two year old class teacher and at the time I didn't know her very well, but what I did know I really admired. She seemed like such a genuine and sweet person and although I didn't work with her very much there was just something about her I already loved. So once I heard that her and her husband were trying to adopt again I got extremely excited, but a little cautious. I was excited for a few reasons. If you haven't caught on by now let me fill you in, if I placed my son with Michelle I would see him often. We work at a daycare together and those who have young kids can bring them to the daycare while they work. I would get to see my baby EVERYDAY! (Now you can see where my excitement was coming from. Not to mention I was finally headed in the right direction of decision making and I had some sort of plan in the making. It was also a relieving feeling to be able to finally talk about the fact that I was pregnant and have people around me that wanted to help.
Although I thought my situation with the Monsons would be ideal I tried very hard to not get my hopes up because I hadn't even talked to Michelle yet and, let's be honest, it all seemed TO GOOD TO BE TRUE! An adoption that open is probably un heard of and scary and not realistic. So you can probably see how I was a little apprehensive. I told my friend it was ok to let Michelle know I would talk to her about it and the next week she came into my class room and before saying anything, gave me the most comforting hug. I hope this won't embarrass her, but I remember the first thing she said to me still to this day because it really made me feel safe and like I could talk to her without any pressure, and it just was so easy. Doesn't adoption kind of sound like a dating relationship????? Haha she told, "First off, I don't want you to think I'm coming to you just because I want your baby, I really just want to help anyway I can." That meant so much to me and I could tell she really meant every word. She offered to take me to Lds Family Services to meet with a counselor, she asked about my family, and my situation and I could tell she really cared. I could go on and on about all the thing the. Up to this point I had felt very alone and terrified and then having someone want to take care of me and be there for me really filled my heart with peace. I was going to be ok. Better yet I might of just met the mother of my son.

We continued to get to know each other, went to lunch, went shopping, but most important (at least for me) was Michelle offered to take me to all of my dr appointments so I didn't have to go alone. She was there through it all. Through hearing the first heartbeat, for finding out it was a boy, for my stress test, everything that would of been horrible by self.
Basically what I am trying to say is this women is AMAZING! I knew and felt in my heart that this is the person I wanted to raise my son and when I met the rest of the family it only solidified my feelings. Her husband, Clinton, is equally as amazing as Michelle. He was very quiet at first but the one thing that I really loved about him (even though I was not active in the church yet) was his spirit and testimony of the gospel. I wanted that for my son. I wanted him to have parents that just beamed with the standards of the Church, and had good character, and they did. Clinton told me something one time that I will never forget, he told me that he wasn't threatened with adoption because in heaven we are all family....I mean seriously how could you not love the man! Not to mention they have the most beautiful little boy, Tyler, who I instantly fell in love with and think of as my own! He was so excited when he found out he was going to be a big brother and he's been such a good example to Sawyer and his new little sister!

I told Michelle I wanted to place with them and I didn't want to look at any other families. You will often hear a Birthmom say when they know, THEY KNOW. Even though I was still afraid of placing and knew it was going to be the hardest thing I would ever do, I was so happy he was going to be in a family where he would be happy, loved and cared for. With a mom, and a dad, and a beautiful brother! As a Birthmom you want everything for your child, all the things you may not be able to offer on your own, and I felt like I found it.
Now one thing I want everyone to know and hopefully understand is, although my adoption is incredibly open and unique I love the WHOLE family. When I visit, I visit them all and have strong bonds with each of them. They are very special to me and I feel blessed to have more family in my corner.

Which leads me into the topic for my next post....how do we do it?! How do we keep things ok and comfortable with such a unique situation? It's hard to comprehend and I still get weird reactions to this day when we tell people our story but it works for us. Hopefully I can help others understand a little about how wonderful open adoption can be.
So until next time! Thanks for reading!
Meg

Where It All Started...

This next post is exciting for me because I get to share the beginning of my story and my experience of how I became a Birthmom, and the people who touched my life along the way. I never get tired of telling this story. I am proud of it, which may sound silly to some, but I really am. I was in a very bad place when I found out I was pregnant, and what could of been a really awful experience that made me angry at God and always thinking "why me?", became something so special that blessed me in ways I could never have imagined. It has made me a stronger person, it's made me love more then I ever thought possible, it brought a wonderful new family into my life and sooooo much more!!! How could I not be proud! 
And maybe proud is not the best word to use either. Grateful. I'm truly so grateful for my experience that I can't help but want to share it and talk about it ALL THE TIME.

So here it is!
IT ALL STARTED when I was 19 yrs old and feeling the same way every young person does at one time or another. Lost, naive, wanting to have fun, and find myself. I got in this rut where I didn't know what to do with my life or where to go next. I had been dumped, I got kicked out of my second apartment, I was struggling financially, I lost my job and my confidence and instead of dealing with my depression I chose to mask it with alcohol, drugs, and sex. It numbed me, and for the moment made me forget all the hard things I was supposed to be dealing with. Typical right? After a year and a half of my party life I met a guy that was intriguing, and fun, and made my life exciting. He took me on nice trips and to nice dinners and there was never a dull moment......until I found out I wasn't the only one he decided to be with. I ended things as soon as he told me because although I was lacking in confidence, I knew that I deserved more then that. We broke up and I was fine with it, I had just started a new job at a daycare center and was ok with focusing on just that. 

A week later I started getting really sick. I couldn't eat anything, I was so nauseous and tired and didn't know what was wrong with me. It occurred to me for a split second that I could be pregnant so I took a dollar store pregnancy test that came out positive. I don't know if I just didn't want to believe 

it, maybe I was in denial but I just remember the lines being so fuzzy and thinking it was a cheap test and it must be broken! So I threw it away and didn't think of it again. After a few days of moping around my mom comes to me and asks why I look so crappy. I told her, (and yes this is what I told her) "I don't know, I've just been feeling so nauseous lately and it's only in the mornings"....then it hit me. It also hit my mom because the next words out of her mouth were, "your pregnant". 
Although it was hard I'm almost glad it happened that way because, to be honest, I probably never would have told my family. I would have ran. Ran away from my problems like I did with most things up to that point, but I couldn't do it anymore. I was pregnant and my mom knew it, soon the rest of my family would, my coworkers, my friends. So I guess, to me, having my mom find out that way was a blessing in disguise. For the first time in my life I had to face my hardships straight on. 
My next step was to let the father know, and ironically he had called me the day before wanting a second chance. We were going to work things out and now I have to tell him the news. Now, my 
feelings for the birth father of my son are very personal. As much as I would love to vent and tell 
everyone how I really feel about him I am choosing not to. I have no idea why he chose to do what he did or why he decided to act the way he did, and as hard as it has been for me not having him around I dont want to portray him in a harmful way when I don't know all the facts. Honestly it's not going to change anything so there is no point. So that being said, we did not agree on how to handle the situation. So I felt extremely alone, as do all birthparents, and I was scared. I didn't want to tell the people I worked with, I backed away from my friendships, and my family was none to pleased with the lifestyle I had lived and what it brought me so I didn't feel like I had them either. 
For the first four months of my pregnancy the only people that knew were my family and me. I had already decided that I wanted to go through with adoption, the decision came very easy for me in the beginning and it just felt right. The only problem is I didn't know how to start the whole process. Who do I talk to, how do I find a family, I hadn't even been to the Dr yet! I had started to make friendships with my new coworkers and felt more comfortable opening up to them. All of the sudden
everyone was making their announcements of being pregnant and how excited they all were. I think including me there were 4 or 5 of us that we're pregnant at the same time! I took this as a good opportunity to also share my news with everyone. I was so nervous but to my surprise everyone was extremely supportive and helpful. Later that week a girl who I felt like was always looking out for me, came to ask me if I knew what my plan was. Was I going to parent or had I made another choice?

This conversation I would say was one of the most important in the whole process and without it my experience could have turned out very differently.........this friend of mine who probably didn't realize what would come of it (or maybe she did) was the push I needed that brought me to the most amazing, and perfect family! I just can't wait to talk about them.....but I'm going to wait because this post is long enough, and this next part is the MOST IMPORTANT!
Until next time! Thanks for reading! 
Meg

Time to Blog!

I finally did it. I finally started a blog. It took me a really long time to decide whether this is where I wanted to share my story or not, but I think after almost 4 years of being a Birthmom I'm finally ready to write my story for the world (or whoever stumbles upon this blog). It's not because I've been afraid of what people will think or because I don't want people to know I'm a Birthmom, I just honestly didn't want to jump on the "blogging" band wagon. I've always felt like everyone and their dog has a blog and until now I just haven't had a purpose for it. I've always loved writing, not that I'm any good at it, and I've been feeling like I need some sort of outlet for my Birthmom feelings!!! 
I want my blog to be about my life in an open adoption, my life as a Birthmom and the trials and joys I face even today, four years out. I'm really excited about this and I hope that whoever reads this will get a better understanding of the adoption world, my world.  
Before I completely dive into my deepest thoughts and feelings I want to get my simple introduction out of the way. So here it goes! 
My name is Megan Anderson, I am 25 years old and I live in Utah. I was born in California , but moved here when I was still pretty young and have been here ever since.

I am the middle child of three, I have an older brother and younger sister. My family is very important, we've been through a lot and it's definitely made us stronger, and I feel us getting closer as the years go on. I am a proud member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Now, my religious views are very important to me and I would share them with anyone, but just know that I understand not everyone has the same opinions or views, and that's ok, but I feel like it has had a huge place in my adoption story. I love the gospel and my Savior and I never would be who I am today without Him and His sacrifices. So, of course, I have to mention it and will periodically throughout my posts.

I recently got married to the most wonderful man. My boo Steve! We have been married for 9 months this weekend and it's been perfect so far :) and by perfect I mean we have the everyday quarrels or spats, he loves to bug me and I KNOW I annoy him but I still love him with all of my being, and everything we deal with makes me love him more.  I'm hoping that one of these days he will make an appearance on my blog and introduce himself and his feelings towards adoption, so keep your fingers crossed!  Continuing on...I am a preschool teacher for a daycare center and I LOVE it...and not just because it brought me and my adoptive family together (more on that to come) but because I genuinely love teaching. I love watching my kids learn and grow, and I just love knowing that I can make a difference. I've been there for almost five years and I can't wait for many more! I love everything chocolate.....everything. I drink at least one 44oz of Dr Pepper a day, sometimes more. It's  one of the top loves of my life. I am extremely bossy and organized and a little OCD. Ok a lot haha I'm obsessed with Disney and mustaches, and my baby boy!!

Which I can't wait to start talking about so I'm going to be finished with my intro!

If there is anything anyone wants me to specifically talk about or if you want to just share your opinion on any of my blog post please do so! I think feedback would be great! If not I will just speak from my heart and share what I feel like needs to be shared. I am anxious for this opportunity to write my story and I hope it is a good experience for all! 

Until next time, thanks for starting this journey with me! 
Xoxo!
Meg