Having a Successful Open Adoption

It sounds so cheesy doesn't it? But it's the truth, and anyone who has ever had a successful relationship with anyone knows that. I have learned so much from my relationship with the Monson's  and continue too as time goes on. As I have said before my adoption is extremely open. I see my son Sawyer almost every day, I am his preschool teacher, I have been on trips with him and his family, his parents are wonderful and let me take him for the day to hang out, I have even watched Sawyer and his older brother Tyler overnight! I have so much fun with this little family and I'm so grateful for all the time that I get. I know my adoption is unique and I'm sure all of you are thinking that we are crazy right?! Isn't that hard? Aren't you scared she's going to run off with him? How are you ever going to heal? Does that seem very healthy? Does he get confused who his mother is? Isn't it hard to watch them parent? Isn't it hard to leave without him over and over again? Do you miss him? Does she overstep? Does it scare you that one day he will want to live or be with her? I could write a whole entire post on the different fears or questions that we have been asked. I would be lying if I told you that I hadn't really thought of some of them or been worried, but I wouldn't be human if I didn't! Adoption can be tricky, and it's hard to understand unless you are apart of it. I never would have believed that it would be this amazing and wonderful had you told me when I found out I was pregnant. Even when I met the Monson's it just seemed to good to be true. And maybe it should be, but I'm determined to make my relationship with my son and his sweet family a great one. No matter what it takes. So here is the real question...how do we do it?

There are a lot of factors that go in to keeping a healthy, very open, adoption. Selflessness, honesty, communication, knowing your role and REALLY being comfortable with it, understanding, consideration, compassion, did I mention honesty?? But most of all.....LOVE for others.

There have been a few times where our relationship has been hard or things haven't gone as planned, but we've always been able to work through them by being honest to ourselves and to each other. I remember the first time we had our first...."disagreement". If you could really even call it that. It had been a few months since placement and we were talking about what Sawyer would call me when he got older. The Monson's suggested "Aunt Megan" which at the time seemed great to me so I agreed to it. As time went on I felt worse and worse about it. I wasn't his aunt. I didn't want him to think I was. That wasn't my role. It just didn't seem right to me. I felt this way for awhile, nervous and uneasy, you know that knot in your stomach feeling like your going to be sick? Yeah. So I decided to talk to the Monson's, I had to. So I went to their house and told them I wanted to talk. Once I had told them how I was feeling and that I was uncomfortable with what we decided I instantly felt better. They were so understanding and tried to understand where I was coming from and I really felt like they did. We decided to just play it by ear and let Sawyer call me what he would call me. The most important thing for me was our communication. I chose to be honest, as much as it scared me, and the result couldn't have been more perfect. We have tried really hard to be open and upfront with each other and I know it is a huge reason why we work so well. 

Another thing that I have seen work in our relationship is knowing our roles, and knowing and 

respecting the other persons role. I KNOW Michelle and Clinton are Sawyers parents. I respect the way they raise him and the choices they make, even if it's something that I may not have done, because I chose them for my son, and I will always stand by that decision. I am comfortable with my role as a Birthmom, although I am not parenting my son I had the amazing gift of giving birth to him and carrying him for nine months. I feel so lucky to have that much. I feel even luckier to have an adoptive couple that respects my role as much as I respect theirs, and wants this relationship to work not only for OUR sons benefit but because we really do value each other and care. I know that open adoption can be scary, especially one like mine. There are so many fears and unknowns that could make anyone nervous about it, but I promise it brings way more light and joy into my our life then if we had a closed or even a less open relationship. I've talked a lot about how great my relationship is with my sons family, but I want to say a little bit about how it's like with my son, Sawyer. I am forever grateful for the openness allowed by his parents because I get to have this unbelievable bond with Sawyer that I didn't think was possible with the choice of placing him for adoption. He calls me "Meme" and every time I hear him say it my heart almost stops. Every time I come to visit or he sees me at school his adorably inviting eyes light up and he runs to give me a hug.

He knows who I am, he may not yet understand what I did or the choice I made for him but he knows we are family. At the school I teach at he was asking me for a drink of my soda (which I always have, because I'm heavily addicted) and I gave him some, then another little girl came and asked me for some and I told her no. When she asked why Sawyer speaks up and says, "it's cuz meme is MY family". Another time his mom, Michelle and I were talking in the kitchen and I was holding Sawyer, he wraps his arms around both our necks, pulls us in and says, "awe, my family".

It's those tender moments that just make my whole heart and body ache with happiness. We are family and it's because of this little boy that we put our feelings aside. I can't express in words how amazing it feels to be able to love him, and hug him, and talk with him, and have a relationship with him, and just see that he is happy. It's one of the greatest gifts an adoptive family can give to a Birthmom. Sometimes it can be really hard, and I miss him from time to time, but it's all worth it for those special moments I get to share with him and his family. 

 I love my open adoption. It's not always easy and we've had our ups and downs but I wouldn't change it for anything. We work hard to have the relationship that we do and by no means is it perfect. Some of you might still be reading this thinking that we've lost our minds and that something is wrong with us! This situation may not work for everyone, but it works for us and I'm so happy and grateful for all of it. It's taught me a lot about relationships in general and it continues to teach me today. 

Until next time! Thanks for reading! 

Meg

A Family For My Son

Hello again! I am surprised at how much I am enjoying this blogging process. I have already recieved a ton of positive feedback which I wasn't expecting, but it really means a lot!! This blog was mostly for me to be able to talk about my feelings towards my experience, but I'm so happy with the wonderful response! I'm excited to start today's post so let's jump right into it!
My last post ended with a conversation about my next step with my pregnancy. I had told my friend that I chose adoption and what she said next seemed so perfect, yet so far fetched that I tried hard to not get to excited about what the out come could be. She says, "Did you know that Michelle is trying to adopt???"....quick background story, Michelle is one of my coworkers. She is the two year old class teacher and at the time I didn't know her very well, but what I did know I really admired. She seemed like such a genuine and sweet person and although I didn't work with her very much there was just something about her I already loved. So once I heard that her and her husband were trying to adopt again I got extremely excited, but a little cautious. I was excited for a few reasons. If you haven't caught on by now let me fill you in, if I placed my son with Michelle I would see him often. We work at a daycare together and those who have young kids can bring them to the daycare while they work. I would get to see my baby EVERYDAY! (Now you can see where my excitement was coming from. Not to mention I was finally headed in the right direction of decision making and I had some sort of plan in the making. It was also a relieving feeling to be able to finally talk about the fact that I was pregnant and have people around me that wanted to help.
Although I thought my situation with the Monsons would be ideal I tried very hard to not get my hopes up because I hadn't even talked to Michelle yet and, let's be honest, it all seemed TO GOOD TO BE TRUE! An adoption that open is probably un heard of and scary and not realistic. So you can probably see how I was a little apprehensive. I told my friend it was ok to let Michelle know I would talk to her about it and the next week she came into my class room and before saying anything, gave me the most comforting hug. I hope this won't embarrass her, but I remember the first thing she said to me still to this day because it really made me feel safe and like I could talk to her without any pressure, and it just was so easy. Doesn't adoption kind of sound like a dating relationship????? Haha she told, "First off, I don't want you to think I'm coming to you just because I want your baby, I really just want to help anyway I can." That meant so much to me and I could tell she really meant every word. She offered to take me to Lds Family Services to meet with a counselor, she asked about my family, and my situation and I could tell she really cared. I could go on and on about all the thing the. Up to this point I had felt very alone and terrified and then having someone want to take care of me and be there for me really filled my heart with peace. I was going to be ok. Better yet I might of just met the mother of my son.

We continued to get to know each other, went to lunch, went shopping, but most important (at least for me) was Michelle offered to take me to all of my dr appointments so I didn't have to go alone. She was there through it all. Through hearing the first heartbeat, for finding out it was a boy, for my stress test, everything that would of been horrible by self.
Basically what I am trying to say is this women is AMAZING! I knew and felt in my heart that this is the person I wanted to raise my son and when I met the rest of the family it only solidified my feelings. Her husband, Clinton, is equally as amazing as Michelle. He was very quiet at first but the one thing that I really loved about him (even though I was not active in the church yet) was his spirit and testimony of the gospel. I wanted that for my son. I wanted him to have parents that just beamed with the standards of the Church, and had good character, and they did. Clinton told me something one time that I will never forget, he told me that he wasn't threatened with adoption because in heaven we are all family....I mean seriously how could you not love the man! Not to mention they have the most beautiful little boy, Tyler, who I instantly fell in love with and think of as my own! He was so excited when he found out he was going to be a big brother and he's been such a good example to Sawyer and his new little sister!

I told Michelle I wanted to place with them and I didn't want to look at any other families. You will often hear a Birthmom say when they know, THEY KNOW. Even though I was still afraid of placing and knew it was going to be the hardest thing I would ever do, I was so happy he was going to be in a family where he would be happy, loved and cared for. With a mom, and a dad, and a beautiful brother! As a Birthmom you want everything for your child, all the things you may not be able to offer on your own, and I felt like I found it.
Now one thing I want everyone to know and hopefully understand is, although my adoption is incredibly open and unique I love the WHOLE family. When I visit, I visit them all and have strong bonds with each of them. They are very special to me and I feel blessed to have more family in my corner.

Which leads me into the topic for my next post....how do we do it?! How do we keep things ok and comfortable with such a unique situation? It's hard to comprehend and I still get weird reactions to this day when we tell people our story but it works for us. Hopefully I can help others understand a little about how wonderful open adoption can be.
So until next time! Thanks for reading!
Meg

Where It All Started...

This next post is exciting for me because I get to share the beginning of my story and my experience of how I became a Birthmom, and the people who touched my life along the way. I never get tired of telling this story. I am proud of it, which may sound silly to some, but I really am. I was in a very bad place when I found out I was pregnant, and what could of been a really awful experience that made me angry at God and always thinking "why me?", became something so special that blessed me in ways I could never have imagined. It has made me a stronger person, it's made me love more then I ever thought possible, it brought a wonderful new family into my life and sooooo much more!!! How could I not be proud! 
And maybe proud is not the best word to use either. Grateful. I'm truly so grateful for my experience that I can't help but want to share it and talk about it ALL THE TIME.

So here it is!
IT ALL STARTED when I was 19 yrs old and feeling the same way every young person does at one time or another. Lost, naive, wanting to have fun, and find myself. I got in this rut where I didn't know what to do with my life or where to go next. I had been dumped, I got kicked out of my second apartment, I was struggling financially, I lost my job and my confidence and instead of dealing with my depression I chose to mask it with alcohol, drugs, and sex. It numbed me, and for the moment made me forget all the hard things I was supposed to be dealing with. Typical right? After a year and a half of my party life I met a guy that was intriguing, and fun, and made my life exciting. He took me on nice trips and to nice dinners and there was never a dull moment......until I found out I wasn't the only one he decided to be with. I ended things as soon as he told me because although I was lacking in confidence, I knew that I deserved more then that. We broke up and I was fine with it, I had just started a new job at a daycare center and was ok with focusing on just that. 

A week later I started getting really sick. I couldn't eat anything, I was so nauseous and tired and didn't know what was wrong with me. It occurred to me for a split second that I could be pregnant so I took a dollar store pregnancy test that came out positive. I don't know if I just didn't want to believe 

it, maybe I was in denial but I just remember the lines being so fuzzy and thinking it was a cheap test and it must be broken! So I threw it away and didn't think of it again. After a few days of moping around my mom comes to me and asks why I look so crappy. I told her, (and yes this is what I told her) "I don't know, I've just been feeling so nauseous lately and it's only in the mornings"....then it hit me. It also hit my mom because the next words out of her mouth were, "your pregnant". 
Although it was hard I'm almost glad it happened that way because, to be honest, I probably never would have told my family. I would have ran. Ran away from my problems like I did with most things up to that point, but I couldn't do it anymore. I was pregnant and my mom knew it, soon the rest of my family would, my coworkers, my friends. So I guess, to me, having my mom find out that way was a blessing in disguise. For the first time in my life I had to face my hardships straight on. 
My next step was to let the father know, and ironically he had called me the day before wanting a second chance. We were going to work things out and now I have to tell him the news. Now, my 
feelings for the birth father of my son are very personal. As much as I would love to vent and tell 
everyone how I really feel about him I am choosing not to. I have no idea why he chose to do what he did or why he decided to act the way he did, and as hard as it has been for me not having him around I dont want to portray him in a harmful way when I don't know all the facts. Honestly it's not going to change anything so there is no point. So that being said, we did not agree on how to handle the situation. So I felt extremely alone, as do all birthparents, and I was scared. I didn't want to tell the people I worked with, I backed away from my friendships, and my family was none to pleased with the lifestyle I had lived and what it brought me so I didn't feel like I had them either. 
For the first four months of my pregnancy the only people that knew were my family and me. I had already decided that I wanted to go through with adoption, the decision came very easy for me in the beginning and it just felt right. The only problem is I didn't know how to start the whole process. Who do I talk to, how do I find a family, I hadn't even been to the Dr yet! I had started to make friendships with my new coworkers and felt more comfortable opening up to them. All of the sudden
everyone was making their announcements of being pregnant and how excited they all were. I think including me there were 4 or 5 of us that we're pregnant at the same time! I took this as a good opportunity to also share my news with everyone. I was so nervous but to my surprise everyone was extremely supportive and helpful. Later that week a girl who I felt like was always looking out for me, came to ask me if I knew what my plan was. Was I going to parent or had I made another choice?

This conversation I would say was one of the most important in the whole process and without it my experience could have turned out very differently.........this friend of mine who probably didn't realize what would come of it (or maybe she did) was the push I needed that brought me to the most amazing, and perfect family! I just can't wait to talk about them.....but I'm going to wait because this post is long enough, and this next part is the MOST IMPORTANT!
Until next time! Thanks for reading! 
Meg

Time to Blog!

I finally did it. I finally started a blog. It took me a really long time to decide whether this is where I wanted to share my story or not, but I think after almost 4 years of being a Birthmom I'm finally ready to write my story for the world (or whoever stumbles upon this blog). It's not because I've been afraid of what people will think or because I don't want people to know I'm a Birthmom, I just honestly didn't want to jump on the "blogging" band wagon. I've always felt like everyone and their dog has a blog and until now I just haven't had a purpose for it. I've always loved writing, not that I'm any good at it, and I've been feeling like I need some sort of outlet for my Birthmom feelings!!! 
I want my blog to be about my life in an open adoption, my life as a Birthmom and the trials and joys I face even today, four years out. I'm really excited about this and I hope that whoever reads this will get a better understanding of the adoption world, my world.  
Before I completely dive into my deepest thoughts and feelings I want to get my simple introduction out of the way. So here it goes! 
My name is Megan Anderson, I am 25 years old and I live in Utah. I was born in California , but moved here when I was still pretty young and have been here ever since.

I am the middle child of three, I have an older brother and younger sister. My family is very important, we've been through a lot and it's definitely made us stronger, and I feel us getting closer as the years go on. I am a proud member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Now, my religious views are very important to me and I would share them with anyone, but just know that I understand not everyone has the same opinions or views, and that's ok, but I feel like it has had a huge place in my adoption story. I love the gospel and my Savior and I never would be who I am today without Him and His sacrifices. So, of course, I have to mention it and will periodically throughout my posts.

I recently got married to the most wonderful man. My boo Steve! We have been married for 9 months this weekend and it's been perfect so far :) and by perfect I mean we have the everyday quarrels or spats, he loves to bug me and I KNOW I annoy him but I still love him with all of my being, and everything we deal with makes me love him more.  I'm hoping that one of these days he will make an appearance on my blog and introduce himself and his feelings towards adoption, so keep your fingers crossed!  Continuing on...I am a preschool teacher for a daycare center and I LOVE it...and not just because it brought me and my adoptive family together (more on that to come) but because I genuinely love teaching. I love watching my kids learn and grow, and I just love knowing that I can make a difference. I've been there for almost five years and I can't wait for many more! I love everything chocolate.....everything. I drink at least one 44oz of Dr Pepper a day, sometimes more. It's  one of the top loves of my life. I am extremely bossy and organized and a little OCD. Ok a lot haha I'm obsessed with Disney and mustaches, and my baby boy!!

Which I can't wait to start talking about so I'm going to be finished with my intro!

If there is anything anyone wants me to specifically talk about or if you want to just share your opinion on any of my blog post please do so! I think feedback would be great! If not I will just speak from my heart and share what I feel like needs to be shared. I am anxious for this opportunity to write my story and I hope it is a good experience for all! 

Until next time, thanks for starting this journey with me! 
Xoxo!
Meg