Where It All Started...

This next post is exciting for me because I get to share the beginning of my story and my experience of how I became a Birthmom, and the people who touched my life along the way. I never get tired of telling this story. I am proud of it, which may sound silly to some, but I really am. I was in a very bad place when I found out I was pregnant, and what could of been a really awful experience that made me angry at God and always thinking "why me?", became something so special that blessed me in ways I could never have imagined. It has made me a stronger person, it's made me love more then I ever thought possible, it brought a wonderful new family into my life and sooooo much more!!! How could I not be proud! 
And maybe proud is not the best word to use either. Grateful. I'm truly so grateful for my experience that I can't help but want to share it and talk about it ALL THE TIME.

So here it is!
IT ALL STARTED when I was 19 yrs old and feeling the same way every young person does at one time or another. Lost, naive, wanting to have fun, and find myself. I got in this rut where I didn't know what to do with my life or where to go next. I had been dumped, I got kicked out of my second apartment, I was struggling financially, I lost my job and my confidence and instead of dealing with my depression I chose to mask it with alcohol, drugs, and sex. It numbed me, and for the moment made me forget all the hard things I was supposed to be dealing with. Typical right? After a year and a half of my party life I met a guy that was intriguing, and fun, and made my life exciting. He took me on nice trips and to nice dinners and there was never a dull moment......until I found out I wasn't the only one he decided to be with. I ended things as soon as he told me because although I was lacking in confidence, I knew that I deserved more then that. We broke up and I was fine with it, I had just started a new job at a daycare center and was ok with focusing on just that. 

A week later I started getting really sick. I couldn't eat anything, I was so nauseous and tired and didn't know what was wrong with me. It occurred to me for a split second that I could be pregnant so I took a dollar store pregnancy test that came out positive. I don't know if I just didn't want to believe 

it, maybe I was in denial but I just remember the lines being so fuzzy and thinking it was a cheap test and it must be broken! So I threw it away and didn't think of it again. After a few days of moping around my mom comes to me and asks why I look so crappy. I told her, (and yes this is what I told her) "I don't know, I've just been feeling so nauseous lately and it's only in the mornings"....then it hit me. It also hit my mom because the next words out of her mouth were, "your pregnant". 
Although it was hard I'm almost glad it happened that way because, to be honest, I probably never would have told my family. I would have ran. Ran away from my problems like I did with most things up to that point, but I couldn't do it anymore. I was pregnant and my mom knew it, soon the rest of my family would, my coworkers, my friends. So I guess, to me, having my mom find out that way was a blessing in disguise. For the first time in my life I had to face my hardships straight on. 
My next step was to let the father know, and ironically he had called me the day before wanting a second chance. We were going to work things out and now I have to tell him the news. Now, my 
feelings for the birth father of my son are very personal. As much as I would love to vent and tell 
everyone how I really feel about him I am choosing not to. I have no idea why he chose to do what he did or why he decided to act the way he did, and as hard as it has been for me not having him around I dont want to portray him in a harmful way when I don't know all the facts. Honestly it's not going to change anything so there is no point. So that being said, we did not agree on how to handle the situation. So I felt extremely alone, as do all birthparents, and I was scared. I didn't want to tell the people I worked with, I backed away from my friendships, and my family was none to pleased with the lifestyle I had lived and what it brought me so I didn't feel like I had them either. 
For the first four months of my pregnancy the only people that knew were my family and me. I had already decided that I wanted to go through with adoption, the decision came very easy for me in the beginning and it just felt right. The only problem is I didn't know how to start the whole process. Who do I talk to, how do I find a family, I hadn't even been to the Dr yet! I had started to make friendships with my new coworkers and felt more comfortable opening up to them. All of the sudden
everyone was making their announcements of being pregnant and how excited they all were. I think including me there were 4 or 5 of us that we're pregnant at the same time! I took this as a good opportunity to also share my news with everyone. I was so nervous but to my surprise everyone was extremely supportive and helpful. Later that week a girl who I felt like was always looking out for me, came to ask me if I knew what my plan was. Was I going to parent or had I made another choice?

This conversation I would say was one of the most important in the whole process and without it my experience could have turned out very differently.........this friend of mine who probably didn't realize what would come of it (or maybe she did) was the push I needed that brought me to the most amazing, and perfect family! I just can't wait to talk about them.....but I'm going to wait because this post is long enough, and this next part is the MOST IMPORTANT!
Until next time! Thanks for reading! 
Meg