A Family For My Son

Hello again! I am surprised at how much I am enjoying this blogging process. I have already recieved a ton of positive feedback which I wasn't expecting, but it really means a lot!! This blog was mostly for me to be able to talk about my feelings towards my experience, but I'm so happy with the wonderful response! I'm excited to start today's post so let's jump right into it!
My last post ended with a conversation about my next step with my pregnancy. I had told my friend that I chose adoption and what she said next seemed so perfect, yet so far fetched that I tried hard to not get to excited about what the out come could be. She says, "Did you know that Michelle is trying to adopt???"....quick background story, Michelle is one of my coworkers. She is the two year old class teacher and at the time I didn't know her very well, but what I did know I really admired. She seemed like such a genuine and sweet person and although I didn't work with her very much there was just something about her I already loved. So once I heard that her and her husband were trying to adopt again I got extremely excited, but a little cautious. I was excited for a few reasons. If you haven't caught on by now let me fill you in, if I placed my son with Michelle I would see him often. We work at a daycare together and those who have young kids can bring them to the daycare while they work. I would get to see my baby EVERYDAY! (Now you can see where my excitement was coming from. Not to mention I was finally headed in the right direction of decision making and I had some sort of plan in the making. It was also a relieving feeling to be able to finally talk about the fact that I was pregnant and have people around me that wanted to help.
Although I thought my situation with the Monsons would be ideal I tried very hard to not get my hopes up because I hadn't even talked to Michelle yet and, let's be honest, it all seemed TO GOOD TO BE TRUE! An adoption that open is probably un heard of and scary and not realistic. So you can probably see how I was a little apprehensive. I told my friend it was ok to let Michelle know I would talk to her about it and the next week she came into my class room and before saying anything, gave me the most comforting hug. I hope this won't embarrass her, but I remember the first thing she said to me still to this day because it really made me feel safe and like I could talk to her without any pressure, and it just was so easy. Doesn't adoption kind of sound like a dating relationship????? Haha she told, "First off, I don't want you to think I'm coming to you just because I want your baby, I really just want to help anyway I can." That meant so much to me and I could tell she really meant every word. She offered to take me to Lds Family Services to meet with a counselor, she asked about my family, and my situation and I could tell she really cared. I could go on and on about all the thing the. Up to this point I had felt very alone and terrified and then having someone want to take care of me and be there for me really filled my heart with peace. I was going to be ok. Better yet I might of just met the mother of my son.

We continued to get to know each other, went to lunch, went shopping, but most important (at least for me) was Michelle offered to take me to all of my dr appointments so I didn't have to go alone. She was there through it all. Through hearing the first heartbeat, for finding out it was a boy, for my stress test, everything that would of been horrible by self.
Basically what I am trying to say is this women is AMAZING! I knew and felt in my heart that this is the person I wanted to raise my son and when I met the rest of the family it only solidified my feelings. Her husband, Clinton, is equally as amazing as Michelle. He was very quiet at first but the one thing that I really loved about him (even though I was not active in the church yet) was his spirit and testimony of the gospel. I wanted that for my son. I wanted him to have parents that just beamed with the standards of the Church, and had good character, and they did. Clinton told me something one time that I will never forget, he told me that he wasn't threatened with adoption because in heaven we are all family....I mean seriously how could you not love the man! Not to mention they have the most beautiful little boy, Tyler, who I instantly fell in love with and think of as my own! He was so excited when he found out he was going to be a big brother and he's been such a good example to Sawyer and his new little sister!

I told Michelle I wanted to place with them and I didn't want to look at any other families. You will often hear a Birthmom say when they know, THEY KNOW. Even though I was still afraid of placing and knew it was going to be the hardest thing I would ever do, I was so happy he was going to be in a family where he would be happy, loved and cared for. With a mom, and a dad, and a beautiful brother! As a Birthmom you want everything for your child, all the things you may not be able to offer on your own, and I felt like I found it.
Now one thing I want everyone to know and hopefully understand is, although my adoption is incredibly open and unique I love the WHOLE family. When I visit, I visit them all and have strong bonds with each of them. They are very special to me and I feel blessed to have more family in my corner.

Which leads me into the topic for my next post....how do we do it?! How do we keep things ok and comfortable with such a unique situation? It's hard to comprehend and I still get weird reactions to this day when we tell people our story but it works for us. Hopefully I can help others understand a little about how wonderful open adoption can be.
So until next time! Thanks for reading!
Meg